Kelvis Korner Blog

I saw Science of Sleep recently. I've been wanting to see it for a while now since it was out in the theatres. I never got a chance to see it then so I picked it up on my NetFlix queue. I don't know if it's that my mind is all over the place recently, but while I was watching the movie I was a little distracted. I didn't find the movie as interesting as I thought I was going to find it. The funny thing is that I went to sleep that night and my sub concious mind decided that I liked the movie. I woke up liking the movie a lot better and the strange thing is that I can definately relate to the character in the movie. The character in the movie has a hard time distringuising reality from fantasy. It almost seems like a mentally unstable condition, but when I really think about it, it's how I live my life.

I had a real rough day today emotionally. My last entry was all about how happy I am so I'm definately admitting to some sort of bipolar behavior here. As is the case with my moods it always centers around a boy and being/not being in love. I started to think about how predictable I am. When I am down about love I focus on the past relationships in my life. Those amazing love affairs that seem to have escaped your grasp. I'm constantly trying to relive those memories, and sometimes I try giving them a call in Gainesville :)

What I am realizing is that like Science of Sleep I tend to infuse my reality with a lot of dream sequences. Now don't get me wrong. I'm definately the storyteller personality that will exaggerate stories to make them seem amazing. But I realize that a lot of my memories of relationships are really more dreamt up than they really were. When I think of the great loves of my lives, and there's been a couple, after all I'm a hopeless romantic, I remember how miserable and emotional I was at times. For the greatest love of my life I was miserable quite a bit! However I hide that reality in the recesses of my mind and instead focus on the dream sequences that make love so alluring and at the same time intangible.

I really don't know what I want out of life or my relationships. But I do know that as long as life has it's ugly and difficult moments, I'll continue to create dreams to make it a more comfortable place to exist. I think the problem with me is that I try to make some dreams a reality....and that just doesn't gel with the laws of this universe. I'll end with an interesting observation. I rarely ever remember my dreams. It's almost as if I go to bed and awake in the same instant. Yet I'm constantly day dreaming through my waking life.


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